Well, as I'm sure many of you will already know, it's General Election time here in the UK and all these useless little cunts that you've never seen or heard from since the last General Election are out blazing the campaign trail, presenting us with fake sentiments, fabricated promises and counterfeit smiles.
At least over here the campaign trail only lasts for a few weeks. I couldn't imagine living in the States where the bastards are kissing babies and spouting horseshit for months on end.
God, I hate politicians almost as much as I despise Barry Manilow.
So much so, in fact, that I have been at a complete loss as to who I should vote for. Last time, for example, I voted for the Scottish National Party (SNP). Not because I believe in nationalism you understand, but I like the idea of a more localised government and the dicks at Westminster needed a serious rocket up their arses to scare them shitless.
I won't be voting SNP this time, however. Not since I watched their embarrassing party political broadcast on TV depicting some fuckwit with a faraway stare in his [too close together] eyes, leaving his council flat to go climb a mountain and shout "Scoatlaaand!" at the top of his voice. It is cringeworthy beyond all belief. Check it out here. Even postmen, hot chicks and outdoor knobbers give this dick a pat on the back.
Where's my rifle?
Learn how to pronounce the country you stay in first before you start yelling it from the top of mountains you granny-featured little turd!
This is what is called "the Braveheart vote" which is the last thing this country should be trying to promote. Why the fuck don't they just go the whole hog and put "sponsored by Buckfast" at the bottom of the screen for christsakes?
So the other day, whilst scanning the election feature in my local newspaper, I happened to spy some zoomer at the very bottom of the page who looked a little like Ming the Merciless. I read his caption, realised that he'd probably get about 4 votes and subsequently pledged my allegiance to the Landless Peasant Party.
Unfortunately this party are not running in the Dunfermline and West Fife constituency, but I am going to spoil my ballot for the peasants as suggested in their video section and maybe even join the party just for the hell of it. Also, check out the video of their candidate Deek Jackson on the Campaign Trail. Top entertainment.