Project MKULTRA was the code name for a covert CIA mind-control research program that began in the early 1950s and continued through the late 1960s. Experiments included administering LSD to CIA employees. Coincidentally around that same time the Joint Chiefs of Staff were working on Operation Northwoods. In 1962 there was a plan by the U.S. Department of Defense to stage acts of terrorism on U.S. soil and against U.S. interests abroad. The goal was to generate U.S. public support for military action against Cuba. Does this frighten anyone? The fact that the CIA dosed its own agents while being the principal advisor on covert and military issues?
Here's the scene: Inside a log cabin. Somewhere in upstate New York, 1961. Two CIA agents are high on acid. One agent is occasionally looking out the window. The other agent is pacing back and forth around the room.
“First we put something in Castro’s beard so his beard will fall out and he’ll look like a lizard. Then we shoot Kennedy with a triangulated crossfire because he’s a lizard person too. We take a road trip to Guatemala, set up a banana farm, fly over to Southeast Asia like a huge swarm of bats, bring back heroin, sell that in the projects to get money to buy guns to protect our banana farm.”
“Yeah that kind of makes sense... But how are we going to get everyone in on this? You know we can't get Congress behind it. They won’t let us invade and... and... What the fuck is on me? Is that a spider?”
“Mellow dude.”
“Ok, I’m... fine... my head still feels like there's a bumblebee in it. Or some kind of hive... a beehive thing... but... What was I saying? Oh, I mean how can we get public support?”
“This is what we do. Check it out. We highjack our own commercial airliner and blow it the fuck out of the air over Cuba.”
“Oh man your head looks like a rat face. What are you saying? Highjack a plane? I’m looking at your rat head but I hear these words coming out like streamers. Are we on a plane right now?”
“Just listen to me. Lemnitzer is going to love this one. Say we paint an empty plane to look like a commercial jetliner. We get a few operatives to climb on the real plane. Then we take our bullshit plane and rendezvous in the air so no one knows what the fuck is going on. The real plane lands somewhere in a banana field and our boys climb off and act like they’re picking bananas or some shit. Then we blow the fake empty plane out of the air over Cuba and blame it on Castro.”
“What if his beard is made of bees?”
“Right. It could be a beehive beard. They're fucking with everyone’s head. It may even be a projection screen they’re using to make it look like a real beard, but he’s lizard all the way.”
“Oh dude I’m seeing... your head looks like an anteater now. Every time you open your snout I see colors.”
“Stay with me. We have to keep this on the down low. We'll paint the same numbers, same airline, they'll fly in the air right next to each other and it'll look like the same blip on radar. We tell the lizard's at the New York Times the other blip was a goddam UFO or Cuban MiG. No one will know or give a shit because the FAA is seeing weird blips all the time. Remember Mac Brazel? We’ll scare the fuck out of anyone who gets too close to the real story.”
“Hey that reminds me. You said I was supposed to get my TS clearance so I can see that thing. Are you a goddam mole? Your face is turning green and I can see my dead father.”
“Look you fuck nut, you’re tripping balls. You have a head full of acid and we’re brainstorming war games right now. I’m not a lizard. You know me. Your father and my father have been friends for fifty years. They went to Yale together. They're on the square. Fuck we were in the Order of DeMolay together in grade school! Don’t start that paranoid crap.”
“I don’t know dude. I can see weird horns popping out of your anteater head right now. When you get angry I get a bad vibe. I see fire coming out of your mouth and you’re growing a forked tail. Why do you have that bandage on your head?”
“I told you I have to keep my head safe. This is for my Trepanation scar. I need to keep the pressure off my brain.”
“Well I’m seeing two red horns pointing out of that fucked up diaper on your head. Oh God! You have a towel on you’re head! Are you a Shriner?”
“For the last time, you paranoid freak. I’m not a Shriner. You know me. You’ve known my dad your whole life. It’s not a turban. It’s for my Trepanation scar. It’s that surgery I got for the hole in my skull.
“You are out of your fucking mind.”
“Trepanation is a mystical experience. Evidence has been found in prehistoric human remains. The Andean people used to bore holes in their skull. There’s a goddam cave painting that proves it. Hippocrates talked about this shit. Look it up yourself.”
“Why do you have to bum me out every time we do this? I’m seeing pyramids and dog horns, you’re talking about some fucking hole in your head, I’m tripping balls out and now some crap about a plane that looks just like another plane? I think I’m going to take my clothes off.”
(Allen Dulles calls)
“Oh fuck what is that sound? God I’m hearing it in my neck. Something’s wrong here. Is there a fire? I’m hearing a... THE PHONE IS ON FIRE!”
“Would you calm down? It’s Dulles. He said he’d call us right when we started to peak. I think he wants another ten grams of this shit.”
(CIA agent picks up the phone)
"Yeah... Uh huh... Right! I know dude. It’s fucking fantastic! I’m seeing all kinds of things. Olsen is about ready to jump out the window. This batch is amazing. I can get you another 10 grams. We can dose the whole Revolutionary Armed Forces with half that amount. Put it in a crop duster and fly it over Havana... Uh huh... Right... We'll pile naked Cubans up in a pyramid, have them jack off and take pictures of it... (laughs) I know. Plans within plans. Yeah... Ok... Working on it... I’ll give you a report in five days after I come down. See ya.”
“Who was that?”
“It was Dulles you deaf pimp. We need a notebook. I've got to keep track of this. It's so clear to me now. Lizards, guns, heroin, bananas, pyramids... It’s all coming together."
(Five hours later)
"Gravity is just a conception of the mind... I feel like I have bat wings right now."
"Would you get the hell away from that window!”
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