Never trust anyone with an extreme aversion to conspiracy. If they loath conspiracy theories and they're not a covert agent or provocateur themselves, they might as well be since they're doing the same work for them, wittingly or unwittingly. That may sound a tad harsh but trust me, the next time you're confronted by one of these rationalist con-artists and their incessant ridicule, be proud, stand firm and boldly proclaim, "You're goddam right I'm a conspiracy theorist! Fuck you."

Look, I get it. I know what it feels like to be rational, to grasp objective reality without bias. We’ve all experimented with it in high school but the conspiracy theorist, even the craziest test sample have always seemed much more curious to me. Even if they follow all the wrong paths, using flawed epistemology and illogic, at the very least they're still poking around, looking deeper, embracing their insanity or pushing limits. The rationalist seems too confident to me, too afraid to be wrong, too worried what other people think, too stuck in the way things are and too grounded in orthodox.

I'd much rather be batshit, out of my mind insane any day of the week than a reasonable man who sees everything at face value or views the world as it seems to be. To see each part for what it is, in itself and mistaking that part for the whole only leads to our inevitable doom, the abyss of boredom. The calculating mind skilled at complexity can build a car and fly it to the moon, it may one day count each star in the known universe, but do you have the insight and natural instinct to step outside and ponder the totality? The entire vista? The Alpha and Omega with all the dots connected?

Conspiracy theorists are the idea generators, creative thinkers and collectors of lost trivia, history and myth. They’re not serious philosophers but more like risk taking ecstatic thinkers, unattached to ideas, comfortable juggling all kinds of thoughts, points of view, rational or irrational, old and new. Not afraid to think, "What if everything is fucked? What if it’s all been covertly planned and set in motion by highly trained unicorns?" The rationalist will tell their little jokes and call this man a paranoid grotesque miscreant, but you could just as easily say this unqualified clown is not afraid to face his darkest most frightening ideas and visions. The scientific rationalists are too careful of the ideas they cultivate akin to the religious priest. Ever notice how they both have the same concern over what other people think? Always correcting wrong words, thoughts and ideas as if the whole world will explode into a geyser of purple molten shit without their solemn advice or official answer?

The conspiracy theorist is a lot like the artist or fool. They don't care if they're right or wrong so much as they want more ideas, more points of view and every scrap of information until everything is connected. Seeing a vast conspiracy everywhere is also like seeing illusion everywhere which is an unlimited skepticism too, until you begin to doubt your own mind, the deepest conspiracy.

"The fool who persists in his folly will become wise." - William Blake

I took a self-help class years ago back in the 90s at a Unitarian Church. We had a workbook, it was mostly psychology, dream work and imagination, etc. There were only three people in the group. One guy was an extremely sane, levelheaded Federal judge. The other was the richest man in Sioux City, Iowa - Radio Ray (he invented some kind of transistor for RCA). And then there’s me, comedian, conspiracy nut, Buddhist, impoverished artist. In one of the exercises we were told to lay back, close our eyes and imagine our own death. When it was time to tell our stories, the Federal judge said he saw himself dying in bed, old and grey drifting off to sleep. Radio Ray said he’d die at home in his bed, old, with his family all around - peacefully falling to sleep. When my turn came, without thinking said, "I saw myself die in some kind of biological or nuclear holocaust with fire falling from the sky and people running through the streets screaming and looting.” They both just sat there and stared at me. The look on their face was, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I started feeling kind of uncomfortable, so I said, “What? You’ve never worried about the apocalypse? Am I the only one who thinks about that? Was I doing this wrong?” After the acute Dementophobia (fear of insanity) passed there was a brief moment when I felt kind of sorry for both of them in a weird way, stuck with their conventional imagination and corny thoughts on death but then, I was like, fuck it. They’re sane and rich. I need a beer. What time is it? I should get out of here.