Ken Eakins of Right Where You Are Sitting Now asked me to contribute a regular column to his website whereby, each week, I teach you ways of keeping 'The Man' on his toes. Here's this week's instalment...
Junk Mail Japery
Everyone hates receiving junk mail. In fact, on average, each UK household receives 18 items of junk mail every week with 21 billion junk mail items being distributed to UK households every year.
There are already many websites out there that will show you how to eliminate junk mail by opting out altogether, or by saving it up and sending it all back on an appointed day as a statement of protest. I’m not going to encourage you to do any of the aforementioned, since neither of these options helps out the future of Royal Mail which is already put under strain through the overpowering regulations set by the government’s Postal Services Commission (Postcomm).
The problem that faces Royal Mail is simple: the government, whilst expecting Royal Mail to provide a universal postal service, also expects Royal Mail to handle its competitors’ bulk mail. This means that rival mail companies get paid by organisations to deliver their rubbish, which is then passed on to Royal Mail for a pittance to put through your letterbox. In other words, rival mail companies are allowed to underbid Royal Mail in acquiring business, but then expect Royal Mail to do the donkey work for a fraction of the cost.
Imagine that happening in any other business sector.
Until Postcomm allow Royal Mail to compete against its rivals like any other aggressive business in the marketplace I’m going to suggest taking a controversial alternative approach that will help out the future of our beloved Royal Mail whilst getting back at the man in the most satisfying manner possible.
Since junk mail is aimed at trying to get you, the consumer, to purchase some questionable company’s shitty product, the junk mail will usually come with a “postage paid” return envelope so that you can sign up for 78 monthly instalments of The Icelandic Sheep Breeders Newsletter or whatever other crappy magazine that often appears as the guest publication on Have I Got News For You.
Although most companies will tell you that the return envelope is “prepaid” this isn’t technically accurate as the company doesn’t pay any postage until (and unless) the return envelope is delivered back to them.
See an opportunity for revenge here?
Not only can you tear up and return the offending item to its originator at no cost to yourself, you can also get rid of old tea bags, confectionary wrappers, mouldy bread, or any other piece of household waste that can fit into an envelope. Simply pop all your rubbish into a sealable plastic bag and if it doesn’t fit into the return envelope supplied, stick it in a bigger envelope and tape the one they sent you to the front of it before sticking it in the post. This is especially good since if the package is over-weight the fly-by-night company that supplied you with the envelope in the first place will be liable for extra costs, whilst at the same time being forced to come to the local sorting office to collect it.
What if you are not supplied with a return envelope?
Simple! Find the return address of the company that sent you the junk in the first place, and send it back to them with a 1 pence stamp affixed so that the package is overweight in relation to the postage cost. A card will be sent out to the company informing them that there is a package being held locally for them with insufficient postage on in.
Not only will you be getting rid of junk mail, but you’ll be forcing the company that sent you it to recycle the waste that they created in the first place.
Can’t find an address to send it back to?
Why not send it to your MP, most hated politician, or local council office explaining why they are receiving the package. Just make sure you write “Important Documents Enclosed” on the front of the envelope. (Right Where You Are Sitting Now article).
media-underground.net