Tuesday, May 11. 2010
Congratulations are in order, to the person who stole my dark silver Carrera AM Fury mountain bike from the Kirkgate in Dunfermline on Saturday afternoon. It was chained to the gates of the Abbey just outside The Creepy Wee Pub, however the thief managed to crack the combination lock in broad daylight and make off with the bike from right under my nose as I sat next to the window enjoying a beer in the boozer.
I’d also like to congratulate the Police Contact Centre for being about as useful as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest. After giving them a call to report the crime, it was reassuring to be put through to a call centre in Glenrothes when the crime was committed here at the other side of Fife.
Apparently Fife Council’s extensive and normally intrusive CCTV network actually managed to record the crime being committed, however, the police request to acquire stills of the crime “could take up to a week,” said one officer on the telephone - by which time my bike will have probably been sold to Smack Generator or had the serial numbers filed off it and the frame resprayed an entirely different colour. What surprised me even more, however, was the response I got upon requesting if I would be able see the CCTV stills myself: “This won't be possible,” remarked the officer on the phone, “as these images come under the Data Protection Act.” In other words, the criminal's identity is protected by law and any attempt by me to identify him would be in breech of his civil liberties.
One assumes, however, that had a bottle of Buckfast been nicked from a local supermarket, the rapid response unit would have sprung into action and caught the criminal almost instantly since the last thing we need in this community is for multinational corporations to lose any profit.
As it happens, I am only a mere citizen who is becoming so accustomed to being ripped off and let down by the system that I am virtually anaesthetized to it all anyway. So, enjoy my bike, whoever stole it, and pray that you don’t break your neck if it throws you over the handlebars.media-underground.net
Sunday, May 2. 2010
Well, as I'm sure many of you will already know, it's General Election time here in the UK and all these useless little cunts that you've never seen or heard from since the last General Election are out blazing the campaign trail, presenting us with fake sentiments, fabricated promises and counterfeit smiles.
At least over here the campaign trail only lasts for a few weeks. I couldn't imagine living in the States where the bastards are kissing babies and spouting horseshit for months on end.
God, I hate politicians almost as much as I despise Barry Manilow.
So much so, in fact, that I have been at a complete loss as to who I should vote for. Last time, for example, I voted for the Scottish National Party (SNP). Not because I believe in nationalism you understand, but I like the idea of a more localised government and the dicks at Westminster needed a serious rocket up their arses to scare them shitless.
I won't be voting SNP this time, however. Not since I watched their embarrassing party political broadcast on TV depicting some fuckwit with a faraway stare in his [too close together] eyes, leaving his council flat to go climb a mountain and shout "Scoatlaaand!" at the top of his voice. It is cringeworthy beyond all belief. Check it out here. Even postmen, hot chicks and outdoor knobbers give this dick a pat on the back.
Woooft!
Where's my rifle?
Learn how to pronounce the country you stay in first before you start yelling it from the top of mountains you granny-featured little turd!
This is what is called "the Braveheart vote" which is the last thing this country should be trying to promote. Why the fuck don't they just go the whole hog and put "sponsored by Buckfast" at the bottom of the screen for christsakes?
So the other day, whilst scanning the election feature in my local newspaper, I happened to spy some zoomer at the very bottom of the page who looked a little like Ming the Merciless. I read his caption, realised that he'd probably get about 4 votes and subsequently pledged my allegiance to the Landless Peasant Party.
Unfortunately this party are not running in the Dunfermline and West Fife constituency, but I am going to spoil my ballot for the peasants as suggested in their video section and maybe even join the party just for the hell of it. Also, check out the video of their candidate Deek Jackson on the Campaign Trail. Top entertainment. media-underground.net
Saturday, April 17. 2010
My apologies for the lack of updates to the site recently. I've been off the grid once again having cycled from Dumfries back home to Dunfermline, spending nights in bothies all the way home.
Five hard days without a shower. Five hard days cycling either long distances or dragging the bike over the kind of terrain where bikes don't belong. In short: the Southern Upland Way is no place to go with a mountain bike. All of the hardship was thoroughly enjoyable however, and I'm now kind of sad to be home.
For those interested, my route was Dumfries (town) - Burleywhag (bothy) - Kettleton Byre (bothy) - Brattleburn (bothy) - Moffat (town) - Over Phawhope (bothy) - Innerleithan (village) - Minch Moor (bothy) - Edinburgh (city) - Dunfermline (town). You'll have to figure out the locations yourself as it's an unwritten rule never to disclose bothy grid references.
The experience has given me more material for the book I'm writing, and I hope to be back on the road for two weeks in June to cover a route across the Highlands.
Meanwhile, I need some couch time. media-underground.net
Thursday, April 1. 2010
Alright you twisted freaks! I had to jump through hoops of fire to try get hold of this stuff. Here's the low-down:
Swamptrash were a Scottish bluegrass/psychobilly band formed in 1987 in Edinburgh. They split in 1990 when several of the members went on to form the wonderful Shooglenifty.
Swamptrash only released one album and a six-track EP during their short career. Fronted by vocalist and banjo player Harry Horse (real name Richard Horne), the band came up with an innovative way to bypass all the bureaucracy of having to phone or send tapes to clubs and pubs in order to get bookings. Basically they spun a wonderful yarn about them all being brothers from Missouri, and Horse - who was really from Coventary and a successful political illustrator for many major UK broadsheets - fitted into the hillbilly role impeccably by turning up at venues under the name Billie Joe and asking them to "pass the hat round". As the routine proved to be quite successful it began to get incorporated into their performances and it wasn't long before Horse was drawling on between songs about "daddy getting his leg bitten off by a gator" or "how mamma had gotten sunk in the swamp".
After Swamptrash split, Horse continued his career as a successful political cartoonist. As well as having his work appear in books as diverse as a centenary edition of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde and children's book Magus The Lollipop Man, his illustrations would also regularly appear in The Observer, The Independent and The Sunday Herald. In 1993 he wrote a cult computer game for Time Warner called Drowned God - a graphical adventure game with a plot involving human history and the belief that "everything you know is wrong".
For Harry Horse the story ends tragically and somewhat mysteriously with the peculiar circumstances surrounding his death and that of his terminally ill wife Mandy in 2007. What was originally reported as a Romeo & Juliet style suicide pact later turned out to be something more grisly with Horse allegedly stabbing his wife over 30 times before turning the knife on himself and subsequently bleeding to death from multiple slash wounds.
Clearly distraught by his wife's rather aggressive form of multiple sclerosis, it is assumed that the incredible stress Horse was under manifested itself in bouts of deep depression and disturbing fits of rage.
Today, the recorded work of Swamptrash is exceptionally rare and difficult to come by, however, here at the Media Underground Nerve Centre I've managed to get hold of both their album and EP in mp3 format. Whilst I would love to acquire higher bitrate versions of this material, these recordings are available nowhere else on the internet. Appreciation and thanks go to Lesley Robertson for sending me this stuff and for going to the trouble of asking former Swamptrash members for their permission to do so.
Note: To download these mp3s you'll need an account with our BitTorrent tracker. If you haven't got one yet, you can sign up for free here.
Swamptrash - Bone (torrent).
Swamptrash - It Don't Make No Never Mind (torrent).
Additional resources:
Swamptrash on FSD
Swamptrash on Halfway To Paradise
Lazy Pict's History Of Acid Croft
Times Article: The Man Who Loved His Wife To Death media-underground.net
Tuesday, March 30. 2010
This is exactly what the late Jeremy Beadle would've been doing if he had been a Fundamentalist Christian. Personally, I find it highly amusing for all the wrong reasons.
Apparently "Prank 3:16 was created to provide wholesome programming while teaching Christian principles."
Basically, it's brain-washed people playing pranks on other brain-washed people. (YouTube video stream).
Note: This reminds me of a fucked-up movie idea that myself and another drunk dreamt up in the pub last night. Basically the premise is that a couple of Al Qaeda suicide bombers hijack a plane full of Fundamentalist Christians with the purpose of flying it into some huge religious structure, except their plan is foiled when an untimely rapture occurs. Everyone - including the pilot and co-pilot - are beamed up to wherever these morons believe they're going to go, leaving only the two confused suicide bombers on an empty aircraft with no idea how to properly fly it...and no evil agenda. Slapsticktastic! media-underground.net
Sunday, March 28. 2010
For a band that I only discovered last year, I've now seen Shooglenifty play live more times than any other band I like. Why? Well, to put it simply, this band are completely mindblowing and it seems that whenever they play it is utterly impossible to avoid becoming possessed by one's inner hobo. In other words, jigging about all over the joint like that crazy old dude in the movie Deliverance (during the 'dueling banjos' scene) becomes mandatory. The exception to this rule, however, was the recent Portobello gig that I went to with my uptight Edinburgh friends. Having decided beforehand that they weren't going to enjoy it, it was no surprise that they couldn't get into the Shoogles. But then they think Kunt And The Gang are actually talented and - worse still - funny, when Kunt is clearly just an annoying, talentless little shit from Essex and a Roy 'Chubby' Brown of the music world.
Fortunately this time, however, I was joined by a couple of Bothy Councillors, and major Bothy points go to Stevie 'Seargent Matron' Lewis who, in the event of discovering that his van was on the blink, promptly wandered out of his remote Highland home at Loch Eilt, stuck his thumb up on the A830, hitched a ride into Fort William, then jumped on a bus to Glasgow before grabbing a train into Stirling - all in time to get himself a few beers and a bar meal before the gig. Good effort, sir. If Nick Bostrom and Jim Elvidge are right and we're all living in a simulated reality, then The Matron's "can-do" attitude has just won him a lifetime's supply of bacon rolls in the grand old game of Bothying.
Continue reading "Gig Review: Shooglenifty - Tolbooth (March 27th 2010)"
Tuesday, January 26. 2010
At the time of writing this, Google News lists exactly 620 articles telling us that the UK is out of recession.
And what amazing figures does the Office of National Statistics have to back up this claim?
0.1%
Yeah, that’s right folks. It’s over! Woo hoo! Pop open the champagne and go back to spending like there’s no tomorrow, because according to some boring old fart called Joe Grice from the ONS, the GDP is up point one of a percent, meaning that all the billions of pounds the tax payer has forked out in bailing out this fucked up system, 0.1% clearly indicates an amazing economic recovery.
Let’s put this in perspective people. If my boss came to me tomorrow and told me I was getting a 0.1% pay rise, I’d tell him to shove it up his arse or put it in the charity box for children with bloated head syndrome or something.
How about another analogy? If someone told you there was a 0.1% chance that you’d die tomorrow, would you be overly concerned about smoking that last fag or drinking another pint of bitter before dinner?
What utter bollocks! Here’s what I think of the ONS and their spastic statistics. media-underground.net
Friday, January 22. 2010
Personally, I think she's utter shit. However, the internet does seem to be awash with references to her use of occult symbolism.
Is it just me or is the cover of her latest studio album reminicent of the Great Beast himself?
She also appears to be using this image on a limited edition t-shirt with all the proceeds supporting relief efforts in Haiti. Perhaps this isn't the best way to quell those “pact with the devil” rumours that are being spread by the lunatic Christian right. media-underground.net
Friday, January 15. 2010
I must confess that I stopped listening to Douglas Rushkoff’s Media Squat several months ago when it cut back on original content and started broadcasting talks from "media squatters" of the past. Not that these talks weren’t of interest, you understand, it’s just that I’ve heard most of them before and would rather hear the opinions of people living through the crisis of today.
That said, a few days ago I listened to the most recent episode of Media Squat prior to their current hiatus and Rushkoff brought up a number of thought-provoking concepts that seemed to ring true with a lot of what I’ve been thinking myself recently. Notably his comments on where technology is taking us and how there doesn’t seem to be anything new any longer - whether it’s music, film or youth culture.
I think he hits the nail on the head when he talks about the “feedback loop” explored in his excellent documentary The Merchants Of Cool (click on the link to watch it online). I mean, nothing seems to get an opportunity of coming to fruition any longer, and the present culture of being plugged into the net 24/7 - where people blog their every thought or, worse still, text pointless and uninspiring messages to their Twitter account - has given rise to a society that seems to need the approval of the collective before anything can be deemed of value (I could be more critical with my comments here, but for once I’m trying to be constructive).
Continue reading "Media Squat - Food For Thought"
Thursday, January 14. 2010
I decided to have a go at my useless local authority again. Basically the problem is that the obnoxious, incompetent fuckwits will do anything but provide us with a service. Check this link out.
This time I decided that it was the public that are at fault for being so complacent. After all, we pay the council for a service and they don't provide it. Logically, then, the solution should be to stop paying them until they do provide that service.
Not that my comments in this week's local press will make the damnedest bit of difference. People have short memories, and once the ice has cleared from the streets they'll happily go back to bending over and getting shafted up the arse again, like the subservients they clearly are. (Dunfermline Press article). media-underground.net
Friday, December 25. 2009
Darth Benedict XVI was wrestled to the ground by a female member of the rebellion yesterday, who breached the security barriers at the start of this year's Xmas Eve Black Mass.
The 325-year-old ex-Nazi pontiff was caught on camera being dragged to the floor as he proceeded down the main aisle in St. Peter’s Basilica.
The assailant, dressed in a red hooded tunic, was arrested by Storm Troopers and later described by Death Star spokesman Federico Lombardi as “apparently unbalanced”.
He said she had tried - and failed - to carry out the same stunt 12 months earlier but escaped execution by getting an Aladdin Blue Flame droid to hack the controls of a blast door.
Mr. Lombardi played down the incident and said the Emperor showed “great self-control of the whole situation”.
He went on: “It was an assault, but it wasn't dangerous because she wasn't armed and at any moment the Emperor could've electrocuted her with his fingertips.” (Telegraph article & video stream). media-underground.net
Tuesday, December 15. 2009
“The first Paraffin Crusade starts here. We must banish the pernicious tyranny of the butane/propane canister.” (Text message from The Sergeant Matron, December 13th 2009).
It all started innocently enough with the procurement of a Tilley Stormlight. I’d seen my weird friend The Sergeant Matron tinkering about with one about a year ago and was impressed. Perfect for camping, I thought, ideal for winter trips to the middle of nowhere.
“It’s off-the-grid-tastic!” exclaimed The Matron, eyes wide and geeked out of his crazy mind with a flaming meths-soaked pre-burner in his hand. I pretended not to take too much notice - knowing how he tends to get carried away with such things - but inside I was bubbling with excitement. As the Tilley Lamp’s mantle ignited with an audible pop, paraffin - I quickly realised - could very well become the fuel of the future.
Continue reading "Paraffinpunk: A Media Underground Manifesto"
Sunday, December 6. 2009
A while ago Ken Eakins of Right Where You Are Sitting Now asked me to contribute a regular column to his website whereby, each week, I teach you ways of keeping 'The Man' on his toes.
Okay, so it’s been a while since I wrote my last instalment, but I reckon enough time has elapsed to avoid any repercussions for this one. Besides, I’m not admitting guilt here, merely showing you how to exercise your rights as a citizen and correspond accordingly when confronted with a Notice of Intended Prosecution.
How To Deal With Speeding Offences
Firstly, it is my belief that there shouldn’t be any speeding restrictions on the roads, merely guidelines.
Okay, so that may sound somewhat controversial and irresponsible, but personally I think it would be a much more healthy society if people learned to take responsibility for their own actions. For example, imagine a world where speed signs such as “20” actually meant “it is advisable that you travel at 20 mph in this area, otherwise, if you go over that limit and accidentally kill someone, you’ll be taken away and executed.”
With that kind of law in place it’d be interesting to see how many people are brave enough to break the speed limit then.
Continue reading "Mortimer's Guide To Armchair Anarchy #5"
Sunday, November 22. 2009
So there we were. The Bothy Council: Dasbo The Asbo, Bingo McNeely, The Bailiff, Sergeant Matron and myself, Darth Paraffin, flaffing around with tents outside Glenuig Village Hall on a wet Saturday afternoon in November, simply because we knew we’d be too drunk to make it back to The Matron’s gaff later that evening.
Technically there was every danger of us dying from hypothermia had it not been for a couple of Tilley Lamps heating up the inside of a tepee and the underside of a haphazardly erected gazebo.
The event? Shooglenifty at Glenuig Village Hall.
Continue reading "Gig Review: Shooglenifty - Glenuig Hall (Nov 14th 2009)"
Tuesday, June 16. 2009
Back to work and back on the grid after several weeks off the beaten track. A couple of nights were spent wild camping, whilst another two were shacked up in Youth Hostels just to get the occasional much needed shower. The rest of the time was spent crashing in bothies in some amazing and beautiful locations that I have come to refer to as "my back garden".
Culra, Stag Bothy, Dalnain and Dalnashallag spring instantly to mind. Bivying outside the bothy on warm clear nights has also been a pleasure and is fast becoming my preferred means of getting some shuteye whilst out in the wilds of the Scottish Highlands. Thanks go out to good friends who joined me for part of the trip, bringing some much needed camaraderie on this wonderful little adventure.
The definitive guide to bothying has always been Mountain Days & Bothy Nights by Dave Brown and Ian R. Mitchell. Written over twenty years ago, the book is in many ways timeless despite it being a nostalgic recollection of 1960s mountain tales. One feels, however, that it is time for a new bothy book to be written - a project which I have decided to undertake myself and will be commencing soon entitled Bothy Culture (after the late Martyn Bennett's innovative album of the same title).
Before I can write a book worthy of the subject I still need to get a few more legendary bothies under my belt, notably Bob Scott's, The Tarf Hotel and The Secret Howff of Beinn A' Bhuird. Over the next few months I'll be out exploring my back garden again in an effort to bag these places - commencing with the mysterious Secret Howff (the location of which has only ever been disclosed by word of mouth for over 50 years).
Stay tuned for updates on how the book is progressing, and keep an eye out for excerpts as I take the work through its various stages towards publication.
Mortimer. media-underground.net
Tuesday, June 2. 2009
Back briefly after 150-odd miles of cycling. It's been one hell of an adventure so far and I'll be back on the road either tomorrow or Thursday after a couple of days of much needed rest. The cycle path infrastructure of Scotland is superb and it's not too difficult to stay off the beaten track when travelling between towns for supplies.
Every day has been different and presented itself with it's own challenges and laughs. Tyre blow-outs, broken chains and other minor issues have at times resulted in some innovative thinking to temporarily get by until the next town. It's amazing what you can achieve with some zip ties, gaffer tape and an axe.
Scotland doesn't have trespass laws like in other backward countries, and it can often be amusing coming across a land owner who isn't aware of Public Rights of Way when passing through property to get to some of the more remoter areas of the Highlands.
Here's a little video I put together of what happened to a pretentious little shit who tried to restrict our access to Duinish Bothy.
Mortimer. media-underground.net
Sunday, May 24. 2009
Alright you twisted freaks! I'm getting off the grid for a while.
This is a journey I've been planning since the end of last year and, for me, the adventure of a lifetime. Basically I have a three week holiday (that's vacation to you Americans) and I plan to use it cycling across Scotland - living rough, camping out in the middle of nowhere, and dossing in mountain bothies (if you don't know what a bothy is then google it). Maybe I'll find myself or get lost completely, who can tell?
I set off today at around 10 am, will do part of the journey with my crazy friend Dasbo, and then hopefully continue on up the Highlands myself if the weather permits - and if I can stick it out.
So there may not be any posts on this site for a while, but when I get back refreshed - or burnt out - normal service here at the media underground nerve centre will resume.
My apologies for the recent lack of updates to the site, getting prepared for this trip is all I've been focusing on for the past few weeks.
Speak soon... and to hell with finding the others.
Mortimer.
Postscript. I've been playing around with Sound Forge recently and have created some humorous mash-ups. Click on the radio link to hear them. They should keep you all amused for about 20 minutes. media-underground.net
Sunday, December 14. 2008
Media Underground forum member, magari has kindly created a cipher calculator based around the findings put forward in my ebook The Key Of It All.
The software calculates values of words and phrases predicated on all three keys explained within the book and will also take into account any numbers that may be present in ciphers similar to the one present in Liber AL (chapter II, verse 76) or Crowley's diary entry of March 25th 1904.
Please feel free to play around with this new calculator and download the ebook. If anyone finds results of interest then please email me and I'll include them in any future revisions of the book. (Media Underground ebook & calculator). media-underground.net
Saturday, December 13. 2008
Ken Eakins of Right Where You Are Sitting Now asked me to contribute a regular column to his website whereby, each week, I teach you ways of keeping 'The Man' on his toes. Here's this week's instalment...
TVL Resistance
One Afternoon back in 2004, my telephone rang…
“Hello?”
“Mr. Mortimer?”
“Who wants to know?”
“Television Licensing. You don’t seem to have a TV license registered at your address.”
“I wasn’t aware that I needed one. You see, I don’t have a television.”
Continue reading "Mortimer's Guide To Armchair Anarchy #4"
Sunday, December 7. 2008
I've decided to make freely available my study of the cipher in Liber AL (chapter II, verse 76). This means that paperback copies of The Key Of It All will no longer be available to purchase.
My other book The Probationer's Handbook is still available priced £8.88 and is now registered under the ISBN 978-1-4092-4716-6 which means that it should soon be available to purchase on Amazon and other online major book retailers (as well as directly from the publisher Lulu).
I've made some minor changes to The Key Of It All recently, and the new ebook now includes some recent findings within its appendix. I'm also interested in creating a piece of software that can calculate various words and phrases on all three keys explained within the book, so if anyone more fluent in programming than myself can help me out in developing this calculator then please get in contact. I've set up a thread on the forum for anyone wishing to discuss this issue.
Please feel free to download the new ebook and distribute it to whoever you think might find it of interest. (Media Underground ebook). media-underground.net
Sunday, November 30. 2008
This week Ken Eakins, Claire Lumière and myself speak to author, professor and media theorist Douglas Rushkoff about advertising, the state of the economy, conspiracy culture, the next renaissance and his views on the recent U.S. election.
Doug was by far the most interesting interview for me to date and I was particularly interested to hear his honest opinions on how the current financial meltdown might affect this tragic society of consumers.
Thanks go out to Ken for asking me on board as co-host to his show once again, and for including me in this fascinating interview. (Right Where You Are Sitting Now podcast). media-underground.net
Friday, November 28. 2008
A few days ago I asked members of the media underground forum if they wanted any changes to the way it was presented. The concensus seemed to be that the forum had become stagnant, difficult to navigate and over-run with fruitless posts and discussions. As a result I've wiped the whole thing clean of all entries and set up new discussion categories in an attempt to inject some fresh life into it. I've also decided to be a little more ruthless with the rules in an attempt to inspire some intelligent and articulate debate for once.
Existing users will notice that their stats remain unaffected, however there are some subtle changes that they may need to take note of.
For new members wishing to sign up, please pay particular attention to the user agreement. If you can't spell or use grammar appropriately then don't bother signing up. There are plenty of other places out there for you to post in your dumb text speak and idiots won't be tolerated. If in doubt, it's probably best you stay clear of the place altogether. (The Subverse forum). media-underground.net
Sunday, November 23. 2008
This week we talk to occultist and author Lon Milo DuQuette about his book Enochian Vision Magick. (Right Where You Are Sitting Now podcast). media-underground.net
Thursday, November 20. 2008
The recently leaked BNP (British National Party) members list is a hard one to call. Whilst I despise racism in any form, I do feel that in a free society BNP members do have a right to free speech and privacy in the same way as anyone else does.
As far as I am aware - and although it may seem quite to the contrary sometimes - we are not yet living in an Orwellian and totalitarian society. People do have their own political and religious beliefs, and although the majority may personally dislike some of these minority opinions, it isn’t society’s place to make an open judgement.
In a free society people should be free to think what they want and affiliate to whatever organisation or philosophy they so choose. To do otherwise is to initiate the concept of Thought Crime.
That said, I think it is rather cowardly for one to associate oneself to a radical ideology and expect anonymity. Rather than have these Nazi goons sacked from their positions of employment or lynched by an angry mob (without any damning evidence or justifiable reason for so doing), it is much more appropriate to expose them as the cowards they are for failing to openly proclaim, without fear, their right to free expression.
By avoiding a witch hunt society prevents driving an organisation such as the BNP underground, where they will gain more power by playing the victimisation card.
The proper approach, in my opinion, is through open discourse and to place trust in the population at large to see common sense and understand reason (difficult, I know, when you consider the level of stupidity that prevails everywhere).
That said, the list is quite easy to find by doing a quick Google search, and it makes for interesting reading if for no other reason than knowing where the thugs are located in your local community. media-underground.net
Monday, November 17. 2008
Ken Eakins of Right Where You Are Sitting Now asked me to contribute a regular column to his website whereby, each week, I teach you ways of keeping 'The Man' on his toes. Here's this week's instalment...
Fun With Finances
A few weeks ago the fixed rate on my mortgage ran out resulting in a rather alarming increase in my monthly repayments to the Halifax Bank Of Scotland (soon to be laughably called Lloyds Trustees Savings Halifax Bank Of Scotland - or something as equally ludicrous due to recent bailout plans). Being the ever-vigilant little investor that I am - and realising the implications that the current economic crisis will have on mortgage rates - I decided to schedule an appointment with the bank to negotiate another fix rate mortgage for a few more years.
The offer they presented to me was reasonable, I thought, until I asked if there were any additional charges.
“It’s £999,” remarked the mortgage advisor as calm as you like, “for transferring from a variable rate to a fixed rate for 5 years.”
“A grand!” I exclaimed. “But I’m not transferring to anywhere, I’m already a goddamned existing customer!”
The mortgage advisor looked contemptuous, almost sneering at my reaction like I was some kind of cheapskate. “It’s the current climate,” he pointed out, “all the high street banks are doing it.”
I stood up, dropped the tropical rain forest he’d spent the good part of two hours printing out and began walking away in disgust.
“You can shove that offer right up your arse,” I remarked, “I can shop around.”
Continue reading "Mortimer's Guide To Armchair Anarchy #3"
Wednesday, November 12. 2008
Some of you may have been getting warning signs from your browser (or have been getting completely blocked from the site altogether) whenever you have tried to access the main page. This has been an issue that has been going on for some months now and that I have had great difficulty locating and even identifying if it was a malicious script in the first place.
Thanks go out to James Inman for drawing my attention to it in the first place. Initially I just thought it was my sloppy knowledge of script that was being incorrectly interpreted by the browser, but on further inspection I found a piece of script at the end of my index.php file that didn't belong there. Christ knows how it got there but if anyone has any ideas and can help me track the culprit, I'd be very much obligied.
As far as I can tell it was linking to the IP address 58.65.234.163 that I've since learned is registered in Hong Kong.
Here's an image of the script itself if anyone can identify it.
Personally it just looks like a string of nonsense, however, from now on I'll be paying close attention to file sizes and modification dates to ensure this doesn't happen again. I hope no-one has been negatively affected by this. As far as I am aware the worst it has done is simply block visitors from my site or flagging up a warning in their browser.
My sincere apologies for any inconvenience caused. media-underground.net
Monday, November 10. 2008
Jonathan Downes is a cryptozoologist, author, film-maker, journalist and musician, with a background in radical politics and mental health care.
In 1992 Downes founded the Centre for Fortean Zoology, arguably the world's largest cryptozoological research organization. He is vocal in his opinion that cryptozoology should not be considered to be a branch of paranormal research. Although he has written a number of books on UFOS and other Fortean subjects (sometimes in collaboration with his friend and colleague Nick Redfern), he considers cryptozoology to be a branch of mainstream zoology, rather than anything more esoteric.
Thanks to Ken Eakins for asking me to be the co-host in this interview and hopefully I'll be back for many others. As you will hear I'm still a bit of a novice with this podcasting business, but I'm going to persevere since I alway enjoy getting out of my comfort zone. (Right Where You Are Sitting Now podcast). media-underground.net
Thursday, November 6. 2008
Ken Eakins of Right Where You Are Sitting Now asked me to contribute a regular column to his website whereby, each week, I teach you ways of keeping 'The Man' on his toes. Here's this week's instalment...
Junk Mail Japery
Everyone hates receiving junk mail. In fact, on average, each UK household receives 18 items of junk mail every week with 21 billion junk mail items being distributed to UK households every year.
There are already many websites out there that will show you how to eliminate junk mail by opting out altogether, or by saving it up and sending it all back on an appointed day as a statement of protest. I’m not going to encourage you to do any of the aforementioned, since neither of these options helps out the future of Royal Mail which is already put under strain through the overpowering regulations set by the government’s Postal Services Commission (Postcomm).
Continue reading "Mortimer's Guide To Armchair Anarchy #2"
Monday, October 27. 2008
A couple of weeks ago, Ken invited me on board the Right Where You Are Sitting Now team to contribute a regular column... but what the hell to write about?
“What do you want to write about?” was Ken’s response.
That’s when I realised that being given total freedom is sometimes more complicated than simply being told what to do - which is probably why the planet is in the appalling state that it is today.
Western civilisation, it seems, has degenerated into a society of numbskulls - its population has become decadent, self-obsessed, submissive and soft. All the signs are there for total collapse and, in my opinion, this collapse is well deserved.
Continue reading "Mortimer's Guide To Armchair Anarchy #1"
Tuesday, October 14. 2008
Perhaps I have a somewhat twisted sense of humour, but I can’t help finding it rather amusing that Fife Council may be one of the 108 local authorities in the UK who invested tax-payers’ money in Icesave - the ironically frozen online division of Landsbanki (Iceland’s national bank).
Whilst it is true that financial advisors, all over the globe, recommended opening a high interest deposit account with Icesave, most of them did also emphasise not to throw all your eggs in one basket. In fact, on their own website, Icesave clearly state that the maximum compensation is “limited to 100% of the first £35,000 deposited”.
However, UK chancellor Alistair Darling - that hapless confused looking imbecile that resembles Sam the Eagle from The Muppets - has managed to increase the compensation limit to 100% of the first £50,000 deposited, by throwing more tax-payers’ money at Landsbanki’s online division.
Whilst Fife Council have still yet to comment on how much of our money they have flushed down the Icelandic lavatory, it is rumoured to run into “several million”, which leads me to question why Fife Council are gambling our hard-earned cash instead of spending it on making Hazzard County a more pleasant place to live.
Perhaps Fife Council should do what one angry online blogger suggested and ask for the balance of payments in fish fingers, since given the current financial crisis, this is all that we’ll be able to afford to eat soon. media-underground.net
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